A day in my life

Some of you have asked me what I do exactly. It's kinda hard to explain, but here's a quick clip of what transpires in my work. LOL

Note: I'm just glad my study doctors don't give me such a hard time. I'm more afraid of the study coordinators haha. But still work load during this month feels like (being submerged in) flood (when a dam gets opened). Thus... More stickies for next week! No more long write ups for this month :P

Bubble Gum

Corporate politics...


I treat them like bubble gum.

You just have to chew it,

but you don't need to swallow.

20 things I'd like to say to certain/"random" people

Gagaya lang ako muna kay madz. Ang dami ko din gusto sabihin sa kung sino sinong tao, kulang ang bente. Kung sumobra pasensya na, baka everyday may dagdag yan pag naalala ko. Pero ito muna:

1. Oist! Malapit na naman pasukan nyong dalawa, umayos kayo. 3rd year na. Kng di kayo makapasok sa UP ibibitin ko kayo patiwarik.



2. Buti nagdecide kayong isama ako sa beach week after next, baka mabaliw nako. Wala lang sanang talks about work.


3. Sorry for not giving you much of my time.


4. Don't think na you're just a meantime friend. You're my bestbud, no matter what.


5. You've done so much for me possibly more than most of my friends have in 4yrs. Don't think I don't value that. I may be quite inconsistent, but I never really left or even changed. I'm still me.


6. No. No. No. No, in all accounts of whatever accusation. I've never done those, I just hope you make that clear to your friends I don’t want them condemning me for something I didn’t do.


7. I'll pray for your happiness as well.
8. Green makes my heart skip a beat.


9. Papayat din ako mokong ka!


10. Ang stressful mo lang talaga katrabaho. Sa totoo lang.


11. Gusto kong mag picnic. Sorry kung lagi akong nagcacancel or di sumisipot sa lakad.


12. I wanna travel. As in TRAVEL not for work pero for vacation!


13. Walang aarte arte sa cebu ha. Kelangan lahat cowboy.


14. You deleted me first in twitter. Discovered it only when I needed to confront you with your tweets. But since you feigned nonchalance, I decided to delete you nalng lest I'm the one who gets stressed out.


15. It doesn't mean na easy easy lang itsura ko na madali lang sakin ang lahat. Magaling lang ako magdala.


16. Wag nyo ako aawayin, wala akong energy makipag away. Really. Ask my friends, I'm not good with confrontations, iyakin ako.


17. Natali nako sa project mo, ipadala mo ulit ako sa Paris pls!


18. Pagnalaman kong ginagago moko bubugbugin kita. Ur risks are not as big as mine. business deal yan diba?


19. You deserve the best.


20. Mahal Kita. Sigurado ako.

21. Happy mother's day po.

Limang klase ng kaibigan na kelangan ng Freshies

image source

Lumabas na ang UPCAT results:

http://upcat.up.edu.ph/results/


Lumabas na din UST results:
http://myuste.ust.edu.ph:8888/admission/results.jsp


Lumabas na din La Salle results:
http://www.dlsu.edu.ph/admissions/undergraduate/entrance.asp


Kaya, may payo ang opismate ko sa mga freshies? Para maka-survive ka sa college, kelangan makahanap ka ng limang (5) klase ng mga kaibigan. Madalas, sa pagbuo ng isang barkada, ito ang mga dapat isaalang-alang. Pwedeng overlapping ang roles, pero dapat lahat ng lima na un ma-satisfy. Para sa kahit anong pagsubok, makaya mo sa loob ng kolehiyo.


Una.


Ang Kaibigang dikit. Sya ung lagi mong kasama sa lakwatsa, sa kalokohan. Sya ung una mong napapagsabihan ng sikreto.


Pangalwa.


Ang katabi mong nagpapakopya. Sya ung pag di mo nagawa ang assignments mo, sya ung maasahan mo na magpakopya sayo. Sya din ung sa tuwing exams, willing ipakita at igilid ang papel nya para makita mo. Sya din ung minsang napapasahan mo ng sulat sa crush mo sa kabilang row. Pero tandaan, hindi lahat ng nagpapakopya matalino (refer to pangatlo). Madalas, sila lang ung maloloko.


Pangatlo.


Ang matalino na pwede kang turuan. Konektado ito sa pangalawa. Pero hindi kasi lahat nagpapakopya, at hindi lahat ng nagpapakopya matalino. Pero mas madali kung may isang matalino na bago mo pa man kailanganing kumopya, ay willing ka muna turuan. Sya ung namumuno ng group reviews. Sya ung achiever. Sya ung laging may medalya.


Pang apat.


Mayamang nanlilibre. Ito ang di pwede mawala. Pano na sa lakwatsa, kailangan may lagging taya. Sya ung napapagutangan mo pag nagamit mo na lahat ng allowance mo pero kailangan mo pang magbayad ng photocopy. Madalas idadamay ka na din nya sa photocopy.

At Pang Lima.


Ang utusan. Kung may di pwede mawala, sya naman ang di pwede maiwan. Sya ung taga bitbit. Taga bili ng merienda. Taga sulat minsan tapos iphophotocopy ng lahat. taga bili ng materials sa projects.


Kung wala ka naman sa skwelahan, pwede mo pa din ito pag pulutan ng aral sa pag buo ng barkada mo.


O kung may barkada ka man ngayon… alin ka dito?

Juan Tamad

Para tayong kwento ni Juan Tamad.

Ako si Juan tamad.

Ikaw ung bayabas.

Hinihintay lang kitang mahulog sakin.

WAPAK!

-----------------------------------------

I'm flying off to Thailand then be back on sunday, then off to cebu, then Iloilo after. Wala munang magtetext till sunday parang awa nyo na, over credit limit nako. mapuputulan nanaman ako ng linya. hindi ko na kayang awayin ang mga call center agents ng globe. haha!

Takot sa call center people

Pasensya na sa mga ka-blog na alam kong nasa field na to. Sana hindi nyo masamaain kung may opinion ako na medyo pasalungat sa ilan sa inyo. Hindi ko naman nilalahat. Parang opinion ko lang din sa mga pulis at mga medreps. At uulitin ko, hindi ko nilalahat.

 

Pansin ko lang kasi sa mga taong kilala kong napaka bait, pinipili ang mga salita, may disposisyong akala mo nasa library ka o nasa fine dining restaurant, bigla silang nagbabago matapos mapasabak sa mga call centers.

 

Nagiging matalas ang mga dila. Kada kibo may kakabit na mura. Hindi ko na nga pinapansin ang yosi at inom. At may mga mata na animo’y nagiging leon pag kinanti mo. May positibo din namang dulot ito, ibig sabihin nagka ”backbone” lang sila.

Ayaw ko mang pansinin, pero tuwing tatawag ako na kailangang dumaan sa isang agent, malaking porsyento sa kanila ang talagang mahina sa customer service, ung tipong magalang ang salita pero may tonong ”bilisan mo kasi sayang oras ko,” o dili kaya’y ”ano nanaman yang pinagsasasabi mo.”

Nung isang araw lang, tumawag ako sa Globe, Resh (ata) ung nakasagot. Lalake pero ang taray ng boses. Sanay naman ako kasi may kaibigan akong mataray talga ang boses. Pero pansin ko lang panay ang mute nya ng linya. So naparanoid ako kasi madalas kong marinig na kapag mi-nute nila ang linya, minumura ka na. At sa mga nakakakilala sakin, hindi pa rin ako sanay na minumura ako. Nasanay lang ako kay erick pero hindi nmn nya ako ginagamitan ng seryosong mura na tono. Pero minsan nakong namura na seryoso, naiyak lang talaga ako.
So, ayun nga. Feeling ko minumura ako kaya nag sorry naman ako kung nastress ko sya. Nung matatapos na ang usapan, nag good bye na sya pero bago pa man matapos ang spiel nya ng good bye, ”thank you for calling globe something something... call us any... tooot toooot.”
Patay na agad ang linya bago pa man sya matapos.

Hindi ako nainis pero naulungkot ako dahil dumadami ang mga taong mainitin ang ulo at (pasensya na) pumapangit ang ugali. Hindi ko naman lubusang ma-blame sila dahil alam kong napapagod din silang kumausap ng mga naggagalaiti at nambabastos na mga customer.

Ano point ng post na ito?

Sana lang pag uwi nila ng bahay naiiwan nila ang mga ugali na pilit na pinapalitaw ng demanding na trabahong un.

Sana lang kung ano mang magandang asal na naituro ng mga magulang nila, un padin ang mamalagi pagkatapos ng isang napaka habang araw nila.

Sana lang kung anong mga paggalang sa kapwa na madalas mamutawi sa mga labi nila ay hindi tuluyang mapalitan ng mga maahanghang na salita na wari mo’y machine gun kung lumabas sa mga bibig na tulo na ang laway.

Sana lang kung anong defense mechanisms ang ginagamit nila sa mga customers na di marunong gumalang, hindi nila magamit by default sa lahat ng taong makakasalamuha nila sa real world.

Sana lang kung kinuha man nila ang trabahong un para lang sa sweldo, mahanap dinnila ang trabahong tunay na makakapagpaligaya sa kanila at makakatustos padin sa mga pangangailangan nila

Sa mga magulang, sana may oras padin sila sa mga anak nila.

Sana makakuha padin sila ng mas mahabang tulog.

At sana, kung may mabigat na personal na problema ung nakausap ko, malagpasan sana nya un.

Un lang.

Bow.

My job in a pic

Just one pic to describe why my job is sooo "toxic."



For friends who do not know what "toxic" means...



Toxic: adj; an expression pertaining to a state of being when one is usually bombarded with numerous tedious tasks, or even a single task with an off the charts level of complexity. It usually also pertains to a complicated scenario, event or predicament.
In cases that a person is described as toxic, it may or may not follow that the person looks like a raped drag queen or Hermeonie gone totally witchly wrong. Parang paellang adobo na kare kare lang ni... joke.

Hay toxic.

Ghosts on a Hot Sunday Morning

I thought I forgot all about them. Then suddenly I heard a creak, the opening of an old wooden chest filled with memories. Dust subtly danced through the air slowly reaching where my feet have been before I instinctively stepped backwards.The room suddenly smelled of old books, of damp wood, of drawings that were once colorful, of paper that were once white as snow, of ink blots that once were bright, of plans that were once clear cut.

I received a call from mom yesterday, one of those “update calls.” I don’t know why, but whenever she would ask how I’ve been or what I’ve been up to lately, a few sentences would eventually result to deafening silence, as if telling me I had too little happening in my life. Then she told me that my brother was now flying to Washington DC to attend this orientation/short course/convention for those applying for med school scholarship (kinda like Intermed in UP).

Then suddenly all of my frustrations came rushing. I took BS Pharmacy in UP thinking it would be a good pre-med course. However, upon finishing the course, starting a new one seemed impractical already. My dad wouldn’t be able to get me through med school with our finances anyway, and I had to start working to help my dad with my half brothers.

I’m a firm believer that all things happen for a reason, God’s reasons, no matter how incomprehensible they may seem, have been my seeing cane in travelling life’s blind alleys. And in all situations, He has provided generously. I’ve trusted my family and work life to Him, and so far, He hasn’t failed me. When I needed to pay my brothers’ tuition fee, He gave me my first real job that paid me three times the minimum salary.

For two years now, most of my savings went to help out my fam'ly. Although the fact that I am given a sense of fulfillment and satisfaction, I sometimes can’t help but wish that things turned out differently. And each year, as my salary increased, transferring from one company to another, responsibilities increased almost proportionally, thus the never ending frustrations.

Then all the “what if’s” mischievously whispered to my almost deaf ears. What if my dad allowed me to go to the US when I was 7 years old? What if I pursued enrolling in some state-run or city-owned med school? What if I took risks in going for my dream? Would I have had the same opportunities that my brother is now having? Would I have been the same person as I am today?”

Seeing my best friend finish her PharmD course enabling her to get her license to practice in Florida, my barkadas starting their clerkships in PGH, my blockmates finishing their Pharm units in Toronto for their licensures… a picture of me became unattractive all of a sudden.

And as I struggle to get myself enrolled in Pharmacology or in Clinical Research Management, I always say to myself, “Am I in the right direction? Should I change roads?” I’ve planned that by the time I turn 28 I would have gotten my Masters degree, my PhD or my PharmD by 33. For now I have to settle for what I am able to do out of those freaking old plans.

Freaking memories. Freaking dreams. Freaking circumstances. That freaking old chest.

I’ll sit on top of that chest for now to keep it closed, with that monster struggling for air, shaking the chest almost vigorously. From where it got its strength, I really do not know.

And as I stare into this dusty hot Sunday, it whispers, “Soon you’ll have to let me out.”

… Soon you’ll have to let me out.

… Soon you’ll have to let me out.

Tonight, that sinister voice shall visit me in my dreamless sleep. I hope I’ll be ready.

One Youth: Project Headshot Clinic

We are inviting every Filipino youth/barkada to join Headshot Clinic One Youth.

This advocacy is made possible by visionary photographer Niccolo Cosme and his team, with the support of Globe Telecoms.

Headshot Clinic One Youth aims to promote Oneness among Filipino Youth through their headshots.

Here are the details of the shoot:

Date: March 06, 2009 (Friday)
Venue: My Place Dorm-Hotel
22 Fabian Dela Rosa St. Loyola Heights Quezon City
(near KFC and Pancake House Katipunan)
Time: 2:00 PM to 10:00 PM

*If you are not available on this date, please still sign-up so we can send you updates for our next leg.

Here are a few things to remember for the shoot:

Only the photo shoot will be provided for free.
While the organizers looked for a venue convenient to needs of the participants, the participants will be responsible for their own attire/clothing, make-up, transportation and food.
Each event will cater to 240 students for one whole day. It is expected as a matter of policy and courtesy that participants arrive on time.
Your headshots will be taken for free. We hope that you can be patient in waiting for the release of the final photos.
Remember the advocacy of the project. For a good photograph, while guided by Niccolo during the shoot, we still encourage you to be creative in your pose, attire or gestures. Represent the youth and your messages in the best way that you can.

Please register at https://www.24ever.com.ph/headshot.php

Walk-in participants are also welcome. However, please be reminded that we encourage you to pre-register in order to reserve your slots.

Call 7181311 to 12 for more questions
Or visit the Headshot Clinic Site

The Project Headshot Clinic Team
www.headshotclinic.com

Of losses and new starts: the career saga

Only God can truly see the start and the end of any situation. He is always in the process of preparing you for the next step. From where you are, it may look like the most illogical way to go, but once you take the step, it all becomes clear as to why you are there.

You can make many plans, but the Lord’s purpose will
prevail.
- Proverbs 19:21

I’ve heard it happen to some other companies. I’ve seen it happen to people. But it was only recently that I saw it happening to me.

Retrenchment. And it’s not just parts of the pie. The whole pie would have to be eaten. And my elementary knowledge on fractions didn’t even prepare me for this one.

Let me give you a clearer picture on what’s happening. Fact # 1: My company is closing down. Well, at least, to use their term, changing its business model from a pharmaceutical company to a biopharma one, and it’s not just the Philippines. Fact # 2: Everyone will loose their jobs, including me - someone from medical research, separate from sales and marketing. That’s just so un-cool.

But when shit hits the fan, you just have to let it all splatter on your face. You’d puke afterwards. Maybe cry a little and definitely smell like shit, literally. But in the end, like all things, it shall pass (ok, I think I’ll have to end all analogies now).

Tuesday, it was 2:15 in the afternoon, hours before I can get my afternoon tea and have a friend give his gift. I was 15 minutes late due to the hassles of metro color/number coding. As I entered the room for the company “communication’s meeting,” I felt a sudden cloud of emotions envelope me. I felt it from all the people around. I knew the news already, and the room was filled with quiet screams – or at least that’s how I would describe it. Then the speeches from the company officers came. Then the realization – it wasn’t just one department, one product, one line… it was all of us – including me.

The news hit me unexpectedly despite the endless whispers of office gossip mongers (they’ve finally hit the bull’s eye and were actually correct this time around). Though the shock lasted only a few seconds for me, it was seeing how it affected other employees that made the sadness linger for more than it was allowed.

I am young, both in the general workforce and in my current company according to tenure. There has not been much emotional investment, not even the feeling of attachment to the company. The morose feeling didn’t come from self realizations, but more of vicinity observations.

I felt the urge to hug people I hardly know (whose names still escape my memory). Some of them were with the company half their lives (even more). First job for most of them. A deeply rooted comfort zone. Probably godparents of each other’s kids. Possibly established strong friendships within circle. A second family. Mostly breadwinners. Fathers. Mothers. Daughters. Sons.

The gush of emotions came from all these contemplations. I’m normally not affected when things happen (in fact, I have been tagged as “emotionless”) save for this particular event. I shed a tear NOT for myself, but for others who will leave a big part of themselves unexpectedly.

It would be easier for my self as my youth and field of expertise would enable me to find another job easily (or at least I prayed it would be so). But for those who have gone past the age of getting their “senior citizen’s” card, I wager it would be harder.

Though we differ mostly with our “effectivity dates,” most would have their tenure end on the last day of the New Year’s first month. I haven’t had the chance to speak to any of my colleagues, but I do have a few things on my mind.

Since my unfortunate entry in this place called earth, I’ve come to know my God in different fashions. Most would say that God is good, God is kind, God is merciful, God is loving, but I would just have to add what I knew of God…

God is humorous.

He gives gifts in the most unexpected packages. And He loves surprises. He loves giving his servants trials that makes them weak with hopelessness. And when we are all too remorseful for our own good, he lays out his beautiful plans like a shiny treasure in a wooden pirate’s chest. It is when we are weak that His glory is magnified and our thirst to know Him more intensifies. And I won’t even risk to sound much of a cliché, but I’d have to say, doors may close but windows would open somewhere for new things coming.

It’s like a story of a father wanting to take away a gift necklace from his daughter. The daughter, expectedly, refuses to give the gift back. But in her sleep, her father takes away the necklace to be able to replace it with something much more shiny and precious. The kid, realising that the gift is gone, cries in mourning for the lost gift. But when her father shows the new gift, she finally understands that for her to be able to receive the new one, she has to let go of the old one.

To my colleagues, I know most of you worry much of tomorrow, but once you’ve done much of what you can do, do let tomorrow worry for itself. God will provide for his faithful servants. And His plans will be shown to you sooner than you would expect it.

In my years of living, God has shaken His head at my nonchalance on direction and plans that He usually had to forcefully take them away to be able lay out His plans. Maybe He is doing the same thing to you all. He is taking away your comfort zone for you to move in to a bigger plan, a richer opportunity.

A company was lost to its investors, but friends will remain, opportunities will endlessly open for all, blessings will continuously pour.

Take care my unknown colleagues. We will see each other again.

(Before I forget, Merry Christmas!)

Flat tires and Fathers

I’m back! I apologize for the lack of posts… as they say, absence means I’ve been busy, being busy means more posts. So the following posts are a series of events that transpired from last week, plus some debts that I owe some bloggers, tags that I haven’t answered etc.

(source)

I’ve been driving (without supervision) for more than a year now. But my knowledge stopped with just that… driving. Not once have I been concerned with maintenance and all that crap (though later I’d realise that I need all these things I called crap).

A couple of weeks ago, I went to St. Lukes early in the morning to get things started early. Midday, I had to return to the parking floor to get some stuff before lunch. And like those comic movies, when they would zoom in to the highlighted scene, once they come to the punch line, my vision suddenly zoomed in to my tires… 10 meters away from me (talk about superman zoom in features, talo pa ang inaasam asam kong dSLR).

I got one flat tire. Right one. The one near the driver’s.

Good thing about tubeless tires, they won’t go flat on the road, they’d have all the air out of them one you go immobile, parked.

With my usual calm state, first thing that came to my mind, like in all cases of emergency… ask dad.

Ok ok. I’ve eternally established in gargantuan proportions how much of a daddy’s boy I am. So stop the smirking and the endless condemnation already.

“Daddy, where’s that thingy that can lift the car up, I’m going to change tires,” I texted.

“The jack (oh that’s what it’s called!) is in that compartment at the back,” my dad replied.

“So where exactly shall I place it on the car?” I asked again.

“There’s that slot near the tire where you could fit the Jack in,” my dad patiently replied.

“Ok. But would the tire need a different knob? Are they the same?”

“Yes. It has a concave edge so it would fit the spare one,” my dad with all patience.

Then I looked at all my props for all these shenanigans. Then realised, the spare tire is flat as well.

“Dad, the spare is kinnnndddaaa flat too,” wishing some miracle would happen…

Then poof!

“Haaaay. Wait I’ll be there in a couple of hours.” Tadan! Miracles do happen. My dad will make an appearing act!

“Ok. Love you dad!” --- me with a big big grin.

I can almost hear his exasperated sigh. But oh well, I’m such a spoiled kid.

He went to change the tire as I watched, I mean helped. Helped, so as for me, of course, to learn the art of changing tires so that I may do it by myself once the need would arise.

But as I'd always say… I maybe spoiled, but I’m never a brat. Ayt?

Oh, did I say I love my dad so much? Hehe. I can’t imagine life without him. But yes, yes, I do have to learn how to do some stuff by myself. Learn the art of doing all sort of crap, like changing tires, taking the car sheets off the seats, checking the oil, and well... crap.

Don’t get me wrong… I may lack the knowledge on such simple tasks, but I still do know a lot. Like the pathophysiology and treatment of diabetes, the usual oncology treatments and the new treatments that are not out yet in the market, wash dishes, new porn sites… ooops… erase that last bit. Point is, I compensate on some things.

Other than that....

hehehe… I so love my dad.

Toilet's Plane adventures

My trips have always been coupled with so much memorable feat, from funny little moments to outright disasters, from series of unfortunate events to a domino of lucky moments. They've been all fun. Memorable. One time I was too early for a meeting in another countryI had to sleep at the train station. No enough money to buy food except for 40 kroner worth of small McDo burger (thats around 400 PhP). Another time coming from another country one of the turbines seemed to had a problem, good thing we landed already, but had to be towed near the actual parking, welcomed by ambulance and firemen.


Flying with me was never a dull moment for officemates. One time my colleague was so sure something will happen just because he was flying with me. All was almost perfect, when at the last x-ray they had to detain me because of a large swiss knife complete with all sorts of screw driver, a clipper, pliers, the works. Imagine how I forgot it was there and how from the Phiippine Airport, that large thing got in another country. My colleague swears that one of these days, I'll probably give him a heart attack.


Recently, I've only been flying local, Cebu mostly, with Davao here and there. No more international adventures. But I guess luck is still at my side.


I've been late a lot of times. But at one time, I had to check in at a counter with a very large man (buwaya looking), with a very big belly, and a look that says "Don't mess with me."


I gave my e-ticket to which he sternly replied, "Late ka na ha, next flight ka na." At which he started muttering all the payments I had to make.


"Sir, hindi po ba guaranteed seat kasi naka book ako? before naman konting oras nalang nakaka check in pa ako"


"45 minutes before the flight. Dapat andito ka na, kundi ibibigay namin sa mga nagaantay ng flight ung slot mo." My world just crashed. I wanted to argue that I could just be upgraded to business class since I was an elite member, but he wanted me to buy another ticket. i just idn't understand why he was being so unhelpful. he wouldn't even benefit from another ticket sale.


I was never good with arguments and confrontations. I felt bad. The ground staff was a bit rude, he was never accomodating, never listened to my own opinion and treated his own as final and unbreakable. Plus, since I was on a hurry, I had to pay 1000k to upgrade myself to business class.


With my then smug face, I dragged my broke ass towards my unwilling business class seat.


But recent events came with a different twist. I learned to wake up earlier. Dress up faster. Pack up lighter. So with another PAL flight, I went an hour earlier last monday.


My flight was 3:00pm. I was there minutes before 2:00pm. I waited till I get to the counter from the short line that i followed.


Another check in coutner reopened. I was motioned to go straight towards it.


"Sir saan po? Wag nyo sabihin Cebu." an all smile pretty staff greeted.


"Ha? Cebu nga," I said with a contorted face to emphasize my puzzled state.


"Sir, Overbooked na po tayo ngayon,"


To which I defensively replied "Hindi ako late. Ayan o, wala pang 2:00. 45 minutes diba?"


My voice was rising already. My ears felt like they were on fire.


"Sir, oo nga po. Kaya po we sincerely (yeah right) apologize and would like to make up for your lost time."


I was ushered to a small operations office with a seemingly senior staff welcoming me as if i was part of a korean travel tour. It turns out that "make up for your lost time" means that i would have to be rebooked at the next flight. It means that I have to wait another 2-3 hours. It means that I would have to eat some more pastries at the lounge.


But it also means that I get to have a Free Roundtrip Ticket anywhere around the Philippines, valid for one year. I can now hear the songs of vacation calling. I've got the ticket. I only need the date when.


hehe. sometimes, my misadventures are replaced with a much welcomed adventure.


i love life. i love me. i love the Philippines.


Mabuhay!

What's my purpose?

It's that little flame that lights a fire under your ass

PURPOSE,

It keeps you going strong like a car with a full tank of gas

Everyone else has a purpose so what's mine?

- Avenue Q's Purpose

Back to reality. Birthday month ended prematurely with the news of my boss coming over to Manila to observe how I work (aka co-monitor). O well, that's life.

But i'll reserve my work rants for a later post. With this quiet weekend, I spent my whole day at home... sleeping and thinking. This kind of solitude usually gets me depressed, dunno why. Before, I just had to hop on my bike, pedal faster till the cold wind blows all the sadness away (along with the tears falling). but now, this weekend, I couldn't. Aside from feeling quite ill, the winds foretell rhino and corona viruses to be caught while riding the bike. Thus I failed to execute the ritual.

The sadness mainly stemmed from my seemingly lack of direction. With a lot of stuff including my carreer. I feel like I'm on a dead end. Then I ask myself... what should I be doing for the rest of my life? Would i be contented with what I have right now (of course the answer was no, afterall, I hunger for more in what life has to offer).

I remember watching Avenue Q and that Song about Purpose. Funny song, but it hit me like a priest's sermon. I suddenly find myself in one of the character's shoes. So what's next after I finish my BS in Pharmacy (of course I wanted a Pharm D or a PhD). But what's really next if for me to work my ass off to get money first to be able to execute my dreams.

A friend once said that after working his ass off and when he has enough saved up, he wanted to do what he wanted to do and do it the best he can without worrying about the bills to pay and stuffs. I guess this is the main problem with kids who were raised to be the head of the family. You can never do things you liked best doing because you'd be thinking of first of the life you'd want for your family rather than for yourself.

Yet again... i ask myself... WHAT IS MY PURPOSE? The eternal question to which I am always at loss with words.

I remember attending a Bo Sanches preaching with ones purpose as the topic. I remember him telling of this equation he heard from one seminar (john maxwell ata):

Purpose = Passion + Potential

I guess that's where I got a bit confused. What do I love doing (passion) and at the same time am

good at (potentia). Its kinda like American idol auditions. Some might have all the passion in the world for singning but simply doesn't have the potential for it. hehe.

I guess I have spread myself too thin. I never mastered anything but have at least tried learning everything. Jack of all trades, master of none... as they say. And to find things that i'm good at would pose as a problem. Well, I think i'm good in bed... but I don't think I can get a carreer out of that. hehe.

And at the end of this endless thinking... i still haven't gotten to a conclusion.

And now i still ask myself... WHAT IS MY PURPOSE?

and just to be fair... (pareparehas tayo maloko sa kakaisip) I pose the same question to you all. Have you found your purpose?

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you may find the lyrics of Avenue Q's Purpose here: Lyrics Purpose

Bono, Crime Partner's Gift

(From Left: Bono and Zoe)

I apologize for the lack of updates. Been really really busy lately - with social life and with work (panira talaga yang trabaho na yan o!). But i'd like to take this opportunity to thank Crime partner. When she saw that post I made regarding Casper's death (my emo mode and all), she immediately told me to get our asses to Cartimar. She was going to buy me a new dog. And she actually did and even bought one for herself.

The white one is Bono (he looks almost the same as Casper, a mix Labrador and Golden Retriever), the brown one is Zoe (Mix Labrador and Japanese Spitz?).

To you Crime Partner, thanks sooooo much. This is one of those times, amidst our toxic days at work, when I feel really really loved. Thanks dude!

(Bono and Zoe sleeping)

P.S.

I'll get my update soon. Promise.

@Kuya Joms: I'll post that tag soon within the week, I'm off to Cebu tomorrow again. Lakas ng ulan... brrrrr.

@Carl: hehe. Yellow Cab.

Toilet goes black... for the meantime

Lunch time! Therefore, Toilet is on work break. Therefore, Toilet will blog. haha.

And yes, the toilet is now in black (insert Piolo Pascual's Clear Black commercial). Toilet's tile colors can be attributed to a mixture of feelings brought about by career realizations, getting old, new opprtunities, solitude, toxic-dom, and an endless tirade of wanting more in life.

Nope, don't worry, Toilet is in no emo mode. Just needed some time of reflection. Currently, Crime Partner followed suit in Senior's resignation from office. So that leaves Toilet alone in the mercy of Foreigner boss. And it doesn't help that Bochok is on leave and is currently on vacation in Nueva Ecija from previous consoling duty (he was borrowed by crime partner to console her aching butt). Next time Toilet needs to remind himself of professional fees for Bochok. No more free service. You may want to rent Bochok for 500 per night. hehe.

In any case, what do you think? Does black suit the Toilet? Or should blue be returned? Or red?

Happy B-day Nats!

Yet again, her birthday landed on a workday... away from home. Last year we spent it in Beijing, China. This year, we were in Cebu, again with our boss from Singapore. So I hope this b-day was still happy for her. hehehe

To you Nathalie, my colleauge, my friend, my crime partner, happy birthday. I owe my positive exponential increase in weight to you, my ever active food trip buddy.

We spent her b-day in Spice Fusion in Cebu. I'd recommend this place for dinner. A melting pot of Asian cuisine. (I'll blog about this next).

Just a shameless plug...

Ann Nathalie Antonio
She's single
with a stable job, a car and a condo
She's got humor and wit
An MSc holder from a london school
anyone interested for a date, just message me. hehehe

Hell week: Day 3 & 4

Day 3:

Bloopers galore. This is how I'd describe my third day with my boss.

My day in Davao ended like a quick silent fart... uneventful, but still leaves a silent mark... and a trail of thoughts.

We were scheduled for a 6:30am flight to Cebu. My sleep was rather cut like a bread loaf... equally cut into thin slices. Had my alarm set to 3:00... woke up, then dozed a little... hotel wake up call at 3:30... sat in front of my laptop... sandman called while sitting... woke up hearing a call from a colleague. Apparently they've finished checking out and we were scheduled for taxi to the airport... 4:30.

Suddenly it felt like a whole bucket of cold water was thrown on me. I got up. dressed. undies. polo. slacks. socks. shoes. dumped everything in my bag. Fudge. I'm late. No bath. No deo. had to rush things.

Got down to check out. When we finally got to the airport, went to the restroom, felt the brief brand tag,I realised my brief was worn in reverse, not inside out, but back to front and vice versa. imagine this, that part meant for my ass was in front of me and the one meant for my jr. was on my butt. crazy day it was. And I forgot to wear my sando/ undershirt.

Day 4:

My boss had a deja vu moment. Almost same time last yearseated on the same area in a Cebu Clinic was colleague A and B with boss in the middle. colleague A resigned. Now, it was us, colleague B and me, with boss in the middle, colleague B filed his resignation. Next it would be colleague C and me. My boss looked at me, told me "You and C... do not resign. No matter how much I scold you, do not resign. I'm grooming you". woof woof. I felt like a poodle.

Meet Bochok

No Bochok's not he kid... that's my brother Jay... Bochok is the pillow...

Ok. so let's do that again one more time... this time please fix your eyes on the pillow...

Meet Bochok! My ever loyal little pillow. He (yes Bochok is male) practically knows all of my secrets. He saw me when I was crying (though twall all quite blurred, he was wet all through out till I stopped). He saw me during my naughty days (I'll just leave that to your imagination). He saw me during my happy days (and lately they've been quite scarce).

For all of those times, he kept by my side... inside my car... inside my room...

And now, i think I need to repay all the goodness that Bochok gave me. So this weekend, I'll be buying him a new pillow case. He's a bit maarte (quite a sensitive bloke, he belongs to the high society) and would still want to be in fashion. A friend bought him as a gift from sleep care (not sure of the name). he came on a pretty nice plastic and has a nice silky soft body. So i think he deserves a nice orangy pillow case for the summer. Whatcha think?

Good day and Bad day

The difference between a good day and a bad day is your attitude.

And I say...

Sometimes a good day is a good day and a bad day is just that... a bad day. There's nothing you can do about it. Misfortunes actually come. And no matter how much optimism you plaster onto your ugly face, it still boils down to one thing... "shit happens."

Posts to come in the future:
1. Top ten things to contemplate when pondering suicide.
2. My new puppy: Casper
3. Meet bochok
4. Sanity over money: therefore I resign

The drama of fathers

I apologize, but I just have to get this out of my system before I get back to doing my reports.

"Mahirap magpalaki ng magulang (Its hard to raise parents)" I've heard this line from old people talking about their own parents but have not fully understood this not until this morning.


Its not just about teaching your folks how to use a cellphone, nor your new Vista PC, but more so of trying to tolerate their tantrums and their endless tirade of wanting attention.


To elaborate this further, let me cite this morning's incident that broke my concentration in finishing up reports. I received an sms from my dad telling me to pick him up in Ortigas so for us to go to this b-day party of a godson of mine (who I must add is already taller than I am and still is giving out parties?). So, as I still lack some sleep and would need all the energy to finish up an everest of piled work, i told him that I'd ask a friend to drive us to wherever. Here is our conversation:


Me: ok, i'm not sure if I can since I'm still a bit spaced out, but I'll have 'friend' drive us there to pick you up.
Dad: No need, I'll just go home.
Me: (thinking that he just wouldn't want to burden a friend of mine) 'tis ok dad, I already asked him, and he's more than willing
Dad: (eto na ang malupit na comment) Buhay pa ako. Habang me hininga pa ako, wag kang aasa kay xxxxx (I am still alive. So long as I am still breathing, there is no need to ask/ depend (to) other people). (Ang drama ng padre ko)
Me: Ok, I'll try to pick you up myself.
Dad: No need, we won't go to that party (ay matampuhing daddy)


My dad is a jealous dad. (I sound like my pastor talking about God). I've known this before with so many instances.


Jealous of my mom
My dad and mom got separated when i was just a kid. And everytime when topic of my immenent meeting with my mom comes to the dinner table, he'd bombard me with a series of "trying some tactics of reverse psychology (eh Mech. Eng. kinuha nya nung college, so palpak parin)."


Jealous of my girls
Contrary to normal stand of fathers to their sons, my dad doesn't want me to get married, or at least not yet. I've always known this but on one road trip to drop off an officemate to her house, the conversation confirmed this. "You cannot get married yet, you're still young," he said. With a quizical look, I said a slow "Why?" "Because you might just ruin your life." WTF????? he then explained that i still need to do all things that I want for my life, whether I'd still want to finish a PhD or something (he probably also refered to parties, more sex, more out of towns, and to basically enjoy singlehood).


Dad, i'm not anymore your "tutoy" (an unfortunate endearment). But a friend pointed out that he might just be afraid that my support for my brothers' schooling might got cut off once I get married. Though I doubt he's line of thinking leaned towards this but more so because a week ago, i picked up my lola (my mom's mom, my dad's arch enemy) from the airport at 12pm, coming from US. Got to batangas by 2am, got back to manila by 5am, and flew to Cebu by 7am... and since 'friend' drove me all through out the trip, left the car at friend's mercy... for the whole week.


My dad will be coming home in a couple of hours. Let's see what the conversation would be this time. but knowing my dad, we'd still be going to that party, nagiinarte lang sya.


Again, i say "Mahirap magpalaki ng magulang."