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Saturday, March 29, 2008

The drama of fathers

I apologize, but I just have to get this out of my system before I get back to doing my reports.

"Mahirap magpalaki ng magulang (Its hard to raise parents)" I've heard this line from old people talking about their own parents but have not fully understood this not until this morning.

Its not just about teaching your folks how to use a cellphone, nor your new Vista PC, but more so of trying to tolerate their tantrums and their endless tirade of wanting attention.

To elaborate this further, let me cite this morning's incident that broke my concentration in finishing up reports. I received an sms from my dad telling me to pick him up in Ortigas so for us to go to this b-day party of a godson of mine (who I must add is already taller than I am and still is giving out parties?). So, as I still lack some sleep and would need all the energy to finish up an everest of piled work, i told him that I'd ask a friend to drive us to wherever. Here is our conversation:

Me: ok, i'm not sure if I can since I'm still a bit spaced out, but I'll have 'friend' drive us there to pick you up.
Dad: No need, I'll just go home.
Me: (thinking that he just wouldn't want to burden a friend of mine) 'tis ok dad, I already asked him, and he's more than willing
Dad: (eto na ang malupit na comment) Buhay pa ako. Habang me hininga pa ako, wag kang aasa kay xxxxx (I am still alive. So long as I am still breathing, there is no need to ask/ depend (to) other people). (Ang drama ng padre ko)
Me: Ok, I'll try to pick you up myself.
Dad: No need, we won't go to that party (ay matampuhing daddy)

My dad is a jealous dad. (I sound like my pastor talking about God). I've known this before with so many instances.

Jealous of my mom
My dad and mom got separated when i was just a kid. And everytime when topic of my immenent meeting with my mom comes to the dinner table, he'd bombard me with a series of "trying some tactics of reverse psychology (eh Mech. Eng. kinuha nya nung college, so palpak parin)."

Jealous of my girls
Contrary to normal stand of fathers to their sons, my dad doesn't want me to get married, or at least not yet. I've always known this but on one road trip to drop off an officemate to her house, the conversation confirmed this. "You cannot get married yet, you're still young," he said. With a quizical look, I said a slow "Why?" "Because you might just ruin your life." WTF????? he then explained that i still need to do all things that I want for my life, whether I'd still want to finish a PhD or something (he probably also refered to parties, more sex, more out of towns, and to basically enjoy singlehood).

Dad, i'm not anymore your "tutoy" (an unfortunate endearment). But a friend pointed out that he might just be afraid that my support for my brothers' schooling might got cut off once I get married. Though I doubt he's line of thinking leaned towards this but more so because a week ago, i picked up my lola (my mom's mom, my dad's arch enemy) from the airport at 12pm, coming from US. Got to batangas by 2am, got back to manila by 5am, and flew to Cebu by 7am... and since 'friend' drove me all through out the trip, left the car at friend's mercy... for the whole week.

My dad will be coming home in a couple of hours. Let's see what the conversation would be this time. but knowing my dad, we'd still be going to that party, nagiinarte lang sya.

Again, i say "Mahirap magpalaki ng magulang."

5 mga umutot:

Anonymous said...

i suggest that you try to explain to your dad that your depending on your friend. your friend was just trying to help or assist you. baka kc iba ang dating sa dad mo. btw, does ur dad personally your friend? baka naman kc hinde nia kilala. alam mo naman ang mga magulang kapag hinde nila kilala ang nakakasama ng anak nila natatakot sila baka napapasama na ang anak nila or something.

also, try to speak out whats in your mind. ala naman masama kung sasabihin mo kung ano ang gusto mo. at least aware sia kung ano ano ang gusto mo mangyari sa buhay mo. re marriage, i guess his just afraid na baka pag nagpakasal kaiiwan mo sila. yun kc ang usual thinking ng magulang and i guess hinde naman ganun ang gagwain mo di ba? explain mo lang sa kanya. kahit hinde ka naman magpapakasal, kung magsosolo ka na sa buhay hinde mo pa rin naman sila pababayaan. u just want to be independent (again) coz ur not his totoy anymore. u want to learn more things about life.

basta dont give up to ur dad. always try to explain sa kanya ang mga bagay bagay at i suggest pakilala mo sa kanya mabuti kung sino yang kaibigan mo na tumutulong sau para maging campante sia kapag kasama mo yun tao.

keep on smiling pare :)

Dakilang Tambay said...

tama ka mahirap magpalaki ng magulang:) hahaha

dak said...

ahm, i think i didn't reach the point yet when mahirap nga sila palakihin but sometimes, i notice that eventho they knw that im learning more and more in life, parang they can't accept that i knw more than them. like for example, i am the only person in the house who's inclined to med stuff, owell, they sometimes wouldn't believe what i tell them, sometimes, they just think im too paranoid. owell, pero i noticed that recently, my dad's asking me about a lot of med stuff like what supplements are good to take, about HPN, diabetes, etc. owell... hindi ko sila minsan maintindihan.

about your situation, i think you knw your dad more... so dapat alam mo na gagawin mo... i think na ganun talga, minsan you just hafta accept the fact that he's like that... diba minsan ganun talga mga dads, kasi lalaki sila unlike our moms... hindi kasi sila masyado intimate with their children, so i think that's their way of naglalambing with kids. get used to it. or if you can't tolerate him anymore, then maybe you can talk to him... of course dapat may respect pa din.. g'luck!

Mugen said...

"Mahirap magpalaki ng ama." Those were the exact words I said to my tropa when my dad was still alive.

Now that I'm the man of the house, I get to realize how he felt when he was the one in my shoes.

Remcyl said...

I have heard this line a gazillion times and never really see the point in saying this.

My sister (in my opinion sees raising parents as a burden), doesnt seem to realize that being a parent is no joke. All the responsibilities their children couldn't live up for, are all shouldered by them.

I say, our parents deserve a little patience. Maybe all this longing or requests from us, their children, are all little acts of saying "I miss you, spend some time with me".


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