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Saturday, April 28, 2012

Master Card

Purchases are usually like that – you run after the stocks and pay from your own purse. Or in some instances, you swipe your card from your purse and other people chase you for it.

In life we make a lot of purchases. Not necessarily things that you buy off a window, but it could be things introduced to your life, wanted it or not, good or bad. And with whatever “purchase” you make, you’d have to pay for it one way or another.

I’ve had my own share of “purchases.” Some are personal choices, others brought about by circumstances. But what amazes me is how most of them aren’t truly paid for by me.

Sure, I try to purchase provisions for my family, paying for it by working hard and trying to be efficient no matter how toxic I get. I climb up the medical-corporate ladder at the expense of my time, effort, sanity and sleep. Just a crack at my goal, that one big break is is given but at the expense of health. But as the basic law of physics would tell you, there is always a reaction for every action. Karma. Next thing you know you’re in a ditch where efforts of climbing out is futile.

But what I notice in all these purchases is God’s hand and how things work towards a common end. It’s never really to dig a hole for you six feet beneath the ground, but to dig a tunnel for you to crawl yourself out of in the end. It’s like an irritating alarm clock, stirring you up from your deep slumber. You half heartedly open your eyes, squinting at it and realizing that you have to rise up from your bed.

Karma launches its missiles and shoots ammunitions gearing to blow you up into pieces, broken and helpless. God’s hand patches you back together, renewed and wiser, aiming to bring you back to glory like nothing has happened. They say karma collects, but in reality, you only experience the payment, God reimburses you afterwards.

Like that time when I had a car accident. The car tumbled down below a bridge and declared a total wreck. But I came out of it unharmed with just a few scratches. A week or two later, the insurance got approved and I got a new car. Lessons from that incident made me change some things.

Just recently I got sick. The bills shot up to 90K like I just had a C-section. I didn’t have a local health card so I did what I had to do – pay all of it with the money I was saving for a rainy day. So I did what I had to do – pay the bill with the money I have been saving for a raining day. A week later, HR asked me to sign some forms and lo and behlold! Eight weeks later, almost the whole amount was reimbursed back to me.

(Side thought: Funny, though, because it felt like all the money I worked hard and saved for while having little to no regard for health just went to getting my health back.)

Thus I realize I really can’t be all too proud of any of my achievements in life or even my victories from dire situations. For all of my successes were from His blessings, easily taken away from me if He so wanted it. For all of my victories were not from my own efforts, but from His mercies, given despite my unworthiness.

With most things, I pay it all with my life’s card. But I realize in the end it is really not of my own debit card. It’s from my Master’s card.

There are some things money can buy. For everything else, there’s Master’s card.

Side note: Just take note, cards sometimes get rejected. We can’t always have them like licenses to be wild and make mistakes.

Friday, April 27, 2012

Playing pretend

Be careful of what you pretend to be
you are what you pretend to be
- Kurt Vonnegut

But what if you're me,
cannot see which is real or which is pretend
but I guess I am what I pretend to be,
and all those things added in the blend.
yeah, o schizo me.


Sometimes I ask myself, am I (this) good (person) pretending to be bad, or bad pretending to be good. Or maybe both. There's always a bad side in all of us afterall.

Boredom and waiting for a late research assistant does this to you.


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