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Saturday, July 19, 2008

What's my purpose?

It's that little flame that lights a fire under your ass
PURPOSE,
It keeps you going strong like a car with a full tank of gas
Everyone else has a purpose so what's mine?
- Avenue Q's Purpose
Back to reality. Birthday month ended prematurely with the news of my boss coming over to Manila to observe how I work (aka co-monitor). O well, that's life.
But i'll reserve my work rants for a later post. With this quiet weekend, I spent my whole day at home... sleeping and thinking. This kind of solitude usually gets me depressed, dunno why. Before, I just had to hop on my bike, pedal faster till the cold wind blows all the sadness away (along with the tears falling). but now, this weekend, I couldn't. Aside from feeling quite ill, the winds foretell rhino and corona viruses to be caught while riding the bike. Thus I failed to execute the ritual.
The sadness mainly stemmed from my seemingly lack of direction. With a lot of stuff including my carreer. I feel like I'm on a dead end. Then I ask myself... what should I be doing for the rest of my life? Would i be contented with what I have right now (of course the answer was no, afterall, I hunger for more in what life has to offer).
I remember watching Avenue Q and that Song about Purpose. Funny song, but it hit me like a priest's sermon. I suddenly find myself in one of the character's shoes. So what's next after I finish my BS in Pharmacy (of course I wanted a Pharm D or a PhD). But what's really next if for me to work my ass off to get money first to be able to execute my dreams.
A friend once said that after working his ass off and when he has enough saved up, he wanted to do what he wanted to do and do it the best he can without worrying about the bills to pay and stuffs. I guess this is the main problem with kids who were raised to be the head of the family. You can never do things you liked best doing because you'd be thinking of first of the life you'd want for your family rather than for yourself.
Yet again... i ask myself... WHAT IS MY PURPOSE? The eternal question to which I am always at loss with words.
I remember attending a Bo Sanches preaching with ones purpose as the topic. I remember him telling of this equation he heard from one seminar (john maxwell ata):
Purpose = Passion + Potential
I guess that's where I got a bit confused. What do I love doing (passion) and at the same time am
good at (potentia). Its kinda like American idol auditions. Some might have all the passion in the world for singning but simply doesn't have the potential for it. hehe.
I guess I have spread myself too thin. I never mastered anything but have at least tried learning everything. Jack of all trades, master of none... as they say. And to find things that i'm good at would pose as a problem. Well, I think i'm good in bed... but I don't think I can get a carreer out of that. hehe.
And at the end of this endless thinking... i still haven't gotten to a conclusion.
And now i still ask myself... WHAT IS MY PURPOSE?
and just to be fair... (pareparehas tayo maloko sa kakaisip) I pose the same question to you all. Have you found your purpose?
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you may find the lyrics of Avenue Q's Purpose here: Lyrics Purpose

12 mga umutot:

Mugen said...

I guess this is the main problem with kids who were raised to be the head of the family. You can never do things you liked best doing because you'd be thinking of first of the life you'd want for your family rather than for yourself.

- Ganun talaga tayong mga panganay. We never live for ourselves, we live for everyone around us.

Happy Weekend Poi.

ika said...

I can totally relate and yeah, yeah I love that song so much that it's so relevant to me: What are you gonna do with a BA in English?

With a BA in Literature?

I'm not so sure actually but I can actually do nothing but wait what the sunrise brings to me.

I ask that questions so many times in a day I sometimes get tired from everything.

cheer up, we'll find our place in this universe.

wanderingcommuter said...

i can definitely relate: eldest, pressure, career path, future plans, purpose in life, retrospecting what i have done so far...

naku, huwag kang mag aalala. ganyan din ang iniisp ko... ang tawag daw jan quarter life crisis...pakshet!

Toilet Thoughts said...

@Kuya Joms: Ay naku, thanks for the conversation. Its quite rare for me to find someone who can relate to my shenanegans in life. hehe. Sa susunod ikaw naman taya. hehe.


@Ika: "What to do with a BA in English/ Literature". Malay ko din. hehe. Pero its nice to know na di ako nagiisa. Peace out ika!

@Ewik: Quarter life crisis. Oo nga. Pero kung quarter ibig sabihin, aabot ako ng 100. ayaw ko nga, gusto ko hanggang 40 lang ako tapos dedo na. hehe.

Zweihander said...

Theory ko, hindi mo mahahanap ang purpose mo sa buhay hangga't hindi mo nalalaman kung sino ka talaga at kung ano ang tunay na gusto mo sa buhay.

*epekto ng dalawang oras ng Ph101 exam*

tina said...

i have to agree with zweihander. before you ponder on asking "what is your purpose".. you have to ask this question: WHO AM I? *kagaya ni spiderman*

you have to remember WHO YOU REALLY ARE. kasi.. nakakalimutan natin kung SINO talaga tayo :)

and believe me not everyone can answer that question in one setting. but the answers are everywhere.

and once you find the answer.. you seek your purpose in life. :)

eto tip: Purpose is something you have always wanted to do and that brings joy to your heart. :)

All the best! =) *ok mga ganyan na tanong.. you are starting to be AWARE/Conscious*

dazedblu* said...

Nice, :)

acey said...

you sound like the eldest child in your family. kung ganon, pareho tayo.

i learned something new from this post: purpose = passion + potential. it makes sense.

hey, thanks for the visit and i hope you recommend more restaurants to try out in cebu. thank you again, bro. :)

Toilet Thoughts said...

OMGosh! Ph101 ito. I had that class too. But I was always late. And my prof was this old maid finishing her PhD. Sungit. Probably never leaned from her class. hehe.

Thanks for those wonderful insights zweihander and tina. appreciate 'em.

You're right. I have to know who I am. But what do you do when who you are scares you? hehe. And what you want doing isn't the best for your family?

@Dazedblu: thanks! :)

Zweihander said...

"You're right. I have to know who I am. But what do you do when who you are scares you? hehe. And what you want doing isn't the best for your family?"

Pretend to be someone else? Haha joke lang.

We always have a choice. No one else can make that decision but yourself. Yes, people will be around you, but it will be still you who will decide.

Parang, pilosopiya? Haha. Ang dami kong natututunan sa 32-year old teacher kong may tungkod dahil sa rayuma. :p

jonathan said...

I read a story based on Leo Tolstoy novel that asked about three questions-

when is the best time to do things?
who is the most important one?
what is the right thing to do?

You are still very young and indeed one of the blessed souls in there. Find the answer to your question and be guided by prayers and love from your family and friends. God bless!

Toilet Thoughts said...

@zweihander: yup. and currently I'm making the choice of my life right now.

@jonathan: many thanks jonathan. I'm at the crossroads right now and the three questions you've mentioned helped in answering most of my questions. hehe. take care man!

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