Toilet Thought’s Predictions (Mga hula ng kubeta) for 2009

I’ve had my usual moments of being in a state of trans ala twilight zone. And as I look into my toilet vortex, I saw the future ahead of us all (as opposed to looking to a crystal ball, that is just so 40 years ago).

Despite the massive campaign for a bleak 2009, I just have to disagree with some evidence from what I saw in the vortex my toilet formed when I flushed a while ago. But of course, bad news is still quite inevitable.

Here are my Toilet predictions:

1. Traffic:

It’s going to get worse. (I know, you don’t need a future/ fortune teller for that, but I’d just have to add that since it’s the only one I’m surest, hehe). According to my fecal matter… it’s quite long… traffic will be congested, and yes, I was quite constipated.

But seriously, considering that there is a surge of cities giving birth to a bunch of traffic enforcers, green police there, brown police here, blue police there, and even pink ones, I can’t believe I’m now praying for an abortion. They think they help in easing traffic? No. I say no. I thought I’d never use money to get myself out of things, I say I was wrong *sniff*. Yeah there’s a story there.

2. Love

I smell the love in the air. And it’s not Glade air freshener. Its love I tell you, its love.

My fecal matter curled up to form one big heart, awwww, ain’t that sweet?

I saw flashes of the future when I saw the heart. Many will find their match this year. But do take care not to rush specially in the third quarter of this year. White roses and star gazers will be big hits. Teddy bears will loose their magic, since most will develop allergic rhinitis and asthma to them.

Bloggers with green backgrounds will have a steamy year. Those with black will have a peaceful year with some dreams/ matters of the heart falling into place. Those with brown background will still have a brown love life, earthy, the trees and flowers will be your companion. Those with blue, please be careful, you’ll be hurting a lot of hearts this year… one advice, safe sex for the blue backgrounders.

To you, who have been optimistic enough to find the book you’ve been waiting for, you’ll find the book opening this year.

3. Finance:

Considering the several circular/ round things I see in my toilet bowl (translation: yellow corn and malunggay leaves), I see a very prosperous year for many yellow skinned and green minded people. Hopia and porn will sell this year.

The financial crisis will still have its remnants from yesterday’s dinner, I mean, from last year’s crisis. But do have hope, eat green coloured food (no food dyes please) and you’ll find yourself producing green stuff as well. Money will follow suit.

Company raise and promotions will be scarce this year, but if you will find some means to invest your money in stocks or small businesses, you’d find yourself laying gold like the jack’s golden goose.

But considering how hard it was for me to get shit out of my ass, I say money will be elusive to some, so please do learn how to save, or even invest.

4. Education:

Mind you, “my dog ate my assignment” won’t work this year. I tried it, my teacher asked me to submit my dog’s poop instead, and it was a disaster. Try “my mom saw my porn and threw those in the fire along with my assignment” kind of approach. Let’s see what your teacher might want you to bring along next day. And no, I never had porn stacks in my room. *insert thunders and lightning* bwahahaha!

Those in law school will have a lot of case studies this year from all those things that will happen in the government. Med students will get to soothe these law school student off their toxic study moments and will hook up in the third quarter of this year (I told you I smell love in the air).

Engineering and math geeks will have a blast partying with art students. Many will fail this year’s Math 17 and Chem 18. But many will ace them this summer’s retake.

Can’t relate? Sorry ka nalang.

5. Blogging:

Toilet Thoughts will have a guest blogger this year. Toilet’s better half will make her appearance in the Toilet’s blog soon.

Be careful of changing templates of your blog. There is 80% chance of you losing all of your posts. Ask me how to add your banner when it doesn’t show after uploading a template. The toilet knows all. Hahahaha!

And as I look into my vortex of toiletdom, I see you, blogger crush… hmmm nothing much… I just want to insert you in this post and no, book lover, you’ve got the wrong person, we don’t have the same crush anymore, I’ve got a new one months ago. Hehehe.

6. Agriculture:

Agriculture will not be affected this year by the economic crisis. Kinda like when you eat yellow corn, comes out the same yellow corn with your shit.

Let us support the Philippine agriculture and buy Filipino harvested food. No need to import really.

7. Sports

Watching a boxing match isn’t bad, but please don’t forget you don’t get a percentage from Paquiao’s winnings, so you still better work your ass off, unless you want to get a career in boxing. My vortex says it isn’t a good idea, you’ll only look like cow’s dung after the fight.

8. You, reader

You got fat from the last holiday, I suggest going to the gym. But don’t worry, he/ she will still love you for who you are (eww, cheesy).

Stop eating chicken skins and pork fat. Don’t peel the chicken skin only to eat them last. The “Save the best for last” routine will be the end of your social life I tell you.

And as I flush my feces down the vortex, one piece kept coming back. No, this is not your ex. This will be opportunities giving you a second chance.

And because you, yes you, my dear readers, have been generous enough in giving your time for reading this blog, I give you my thanks and genuine friendship. And now, I leave you with a good luck charm, my dog’s fecal matter. Take good care of it. It will bring you much luck in the coming year.

Note: Many thanks to Remcyl for the banner and layout of my blog. Whatcha think?