Summer Fling

Some find new love. Others get left behind.

It’s amazing how many things can happen. It’s amazing how so much can end.

Like how summer fades, and as how it is here in the tropic regions, the rain would wash away all summer trace.

Back in the days, it was called a shipboard romance. It only lasted as long as the ship was at sea.

But at least summers last longer. So long as the sun still heats up the sands, the fiery atmosphere persists and extends to the loins.

So be careful with your hearts. You simply wouldn’t want to burn and be left behind.

Or maybe you’d be lucky. And find that the sun still shines even during the rains.

For all that it’s worth, and though it is fast ending, don’t forget to have fun in the summer sun.

Summy Fling

KD Lang

Early morning mid-july

Anticipation's making me high

The smell of sunday in our hair...

You ran on the beach with kennedy flair

Sweet, sweet burn

Of sun and summer wind

And you my friend

My new fun thing

My summerfling

laugh...oh how we would laugh

At anything

And so pretend

Forsake the logic

Of perfect plans...

A perfect moment

Slipped through our hands

Sweet, sweet burn

Of sun and summer wind

And you my friend

My new fun thing

My summerfling

Strange...

The wind can change so quickly

Without a word of warning

Rearrange our lives

Until they're torn in two

image from here and here

Matagal na tong naka auto-post for the end of summer (2011). Pero with friends' circumstances/ recent events baka ma-bigyan pa ito ng meaning. Wag gawan ng issue pls. Ayaw ko na tong ipa-auto post for 2013. LOL.

Thank you (huli man daw at mabait, nakakathank you padin)

I welcomed the air coming out of the tube that was placed just right at the entrance of my nostrils. Just general anesthesia, I was told. I inhaled it like my sanity depended on it.

I hate pain. Despite claiming that I had high tolerance for pain after enduring fraternity rites, I’d still crumble in panic when pain is caused by slicing or anything that involves “going inside.”

A shot of another anesthesia (Demerol I think) through the butterfly cath port was supposed to make me asleep. They were ready to pierce through the spinal with a very large needle for another anesthesia when I said in panic, “I’m still awake!” Through the second shot of Demerol, I was still annoyingly humming. The third shot knocked me dead.

Five hours after, I woke up still feeling kinda woozy and unable to move the lower part of my body.

The procedure was really an easy one, my illness an embarrassing one. As such that I was not used to feeling so helpless and weak, I decided not to announce my current state – just enough to let the important people know that I cannot be at their disposal during that time. I’m supposed to be invincible, unbreakable, but I guess my mortal body just had enough of my pretense.

I’ve always loved being in the lime light. I’ve once complained that I didn’t get the right attention I wanted during my last birthday. But being sick is a different matter. I didn’t want visitors. None from my (extended) family knew that I was in the hospital. My dad alone was privy to my confinement. I insisted on him not telling anyone, but later on I was told that he texted one of my two uncle priests for prayers. My dad chose the one who was in conflict with all of the siblings. It was funny how my dad rationalized to tell the one who was not in speaking terms with everyone just to keep to my instructions. Dads. Secrets are safe with them.

And as such that I’m a crazy kid, I have even crazier friends. It was one of those times I wished they would not feel sweet and investigate where I am. I hadn’t had a decent bath, nor a clean shave, I was simply at my ugliest.

But the fates are quite humorous.

We are each the love of someone else’s life. 

Max Tivoli, Andrew Sean Greer.

To be blind of the care that people subtly display has been a trait I’ve mustered just to satisfy my eternal need (and flair lol) for the dramatic.

And as such that I once blogged that I felt not loved during my last birthday, it is but fair that I express my gratitude for drowning in it while I was sick.

The night of my still being paralyzed from the anesthesia, my bros erik and kuya dave came with a funny looking balloon. Two burly guys with a funny balloon – that cracked me up like crazy.

Next day, bset visited from his Boracay trip and we were snickering while carlo was there, sharing a secret. I didn’t want to tell him that I was hospitalized, ruining his beach trip, but he suspiciously asked before coming back home, as if one talkative little bird told him I was in a hospital.

Dam visited in the wee hours of the morn, luckily before my lactulose episodes. Church mates and officemates came during the night (we had to discuss back-ups for work left). D came and went like a hurricane leaving fruits (which at the time were the only ones I was willing and allowed to eat). Dak dropped by embarrassing me more by explaining my illness to Y (haha love yah dak!). Y, on the other hand, endured being the bantay of the most difficult patient there is.

And my last surprise came the next day when I got released from the hospital. Erik kept on stalling me from leaving the hospital early, saying he still has something for me.

Upon meeting Erik, he handed me a package boxed with a courier logo: an overseas package from kups. When I opened it, I saw a tin can filled with packs of my favorite freshly baked dark chocolate with pecan cookie from Famous Amos (my ultimate comfort food). And you don’t get that kind of package from elsewhere, just in Singapore or possibly Malaysia. It felt like Christmas and Kups was my Santa.

I asked Erik how much the customs charged to clear the package, but he just won’t tell. He simply implied that it’s possibly one of the most expensive cookies he has ever seen. Haha.

So there. This post is just to thank everyone who shared their time and effort when I needed it most.

We are each indeed the love of someone else, if not of so many. One just needs to look and see. We really do not need to seek happiness from elsewhere (or seek love from a hopeless place). We simply just need to look inside our homes and within our friends to know that we are indeed loved.

Know this, and maybe you’ll find the happiness that you seek. And maybe even contentment.

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P.S. My birthday’s coming near, I don’t need gifts, but I do need you to collect some school supplies for donation. More details to come in the next few posts. Stay tuned! I may need your help once more in this new project. Zaijian! Till next ish! :)

20 things I'd like to say to certain/"random" people

Gagaya lang ako muna kay madz. Ang dami ko din gusto sabihin sa kung sino sinong tao, kulang ang bente. Kung sumobra pasensya na, baka everyday may dagdag yan pag naalala ko. Pero ito muna:

1. Oist! Malapit na naman pasukan nyong dalawa, umayos kayo. 3rd year na. Kng di kayo makapasok sa UP ibibitin ko kayo patiwarik.



2. Buti nagdecide kayong isama ako sa beach week after next, baka mabaliw nako. Wala lang sanang talks about work.


3. Sorry for not giving you much of my time.


4. Don't think na you're just a meantime friend. You're my bestbud, no matter what.


5. You've done so much for me possibly more than most of my friends have in 4yrs. Don't think I don't value that. I may be quite inconsistent, but I never really left or even changed. I'm still me.


6. No. No. No. No, in all accounts of whatever accusation. I've never done those, I just hope you make that clear to your friends I don’t want them condemning me for something I didn’t do.


7. I'll pray for your happiness as well.
8. Green makes my heart skip a beat.


9. Papayat din ako mokong ka!


10. Ang stressful mo lang talaga katrabaho. Sa totoo lang.


11. Gusto kong mag picnic. Sorry kung lagi akong nagcacancel or di sumisipot sa lakad.


12. I wanna travel. As in TRAVEL not for work pero for vacation!


13. Walang aarte arte sa cebu ha. Kelangan lahat cowboy.


14. You deleted me first in twitter. Discovered it only when I needed to confront you with your tweets. But since you feigned nonchalance, I decided to delete you nalng lest I'm the one who gets stressed out.


15. It doesn't mean na easy easy lang itsura ko na madali lang sakin ang lahat. Magaling lang ako magdala.


16. Wag nyo ako aawayin, wala akong energy makipag away. Really. Ask my friends, I'm not good with confrontations, iyakin ako.


17. Natali nako sa project mo, ipadala mo ulit ako sa Paris pls!


18. Pagnalaman kong ginagago moko bubugbugin kita. Ur risks are not as big as mine. business deal yan diba?


19. You deserve the best.


20. Mahal Kita. Sigurado ako.

21. Happy mother's day po.

Master Card

Purchases are usually like that – you run after the stocks and pay from your own purse. Or in some instances, you swipe your card from your purse and other people chase you for it.

In life we make a lot of purchases. Not necessarily things that you buy off a window, but it could be things introduced to your life, wanted it or not, good or bad. And with whatever “purchase” you make, you’d have to pay for it one way or another.

I’ve had my own share of “purchases.” Some are personal choices, others brought about by circumstances. But what amazes me is how most of them aren’t truly paid for by me.

Sure, I try to purchase provisions for my family, paying for it by working hard and trying to be efficient no matter how toxic I get. I climb up the medical-corporate ladder at the expense of my time, effort, sanity and sleep. Just a crack at my goal, that one big break is is given but at the expense of health. But as the basic law of physics would tell you, there is always a reaction for every action. Karma. Next thing you know you’re in a ditch where efforts of climbing out is futile.

But what I notice in all these purchases is God’s hand and how things work towards a common end. It’s never really to dig a hole for you six feet beneath the ground, but to dig a tunnel for you to crawl yourself out of in the end. It’s like an irritating alarm clock, stirring you up from your deep slumber. You half heartedly open your eyes, squinting at it and realizing that you have to rise up from your bed.

Karma launches its missiles and shoots ammunitions gearing to blow you up into pieces, broken and helpless. God’s hand patches you back together, renewed and wiser, aiming to bring you back to glory like nothing has happened. They say karma collects, but in reality, you only experience the payment, God reimburses you afterwards.

Like that time when I had a car accident. The car tumbled down below a bridge and declared a total wreck. But I came out of it unharmed with just a few scratches. A week or two later, the insurance got approved and I got a new car. Lessons from that incident made me change some things.

Just recently I got sick. The bills shot up to 90K like I just had a C-section. I didn’t have a local health card so I did what I had to do – pay all of it with the money I was saving for a rainy day. So I did what I had to do – pay the bill with the money I have been saving for a raining day. A week later, HR asked me to sign some forms and lo and behlold! Eight weeks later, almost the whole amount was reimbursed back to me.

(Side thought: Funny, though, because it felt like all the money I worked hard and saved for while having little to no regard for health just went to getting my health back.)

Thus I realize I really can’t be all too proud of any of my achievements in life or even my victories from dire situations. For all of my successes were from His blessings, easily taken away from me if He so wanted it. For all of my victories were not from my own efforts, but from His mercies, given despite my unworthiness.

With most things, I pay it all with my life’s card. But I realize in the end it is really not of my own debit card. It’s from my Master’s card.

There are some things money can buy. For everything else, there’s Master’s card.

Side note: Just take note, cards sometimes get rejected. We can’t always have them like licenses to be wild and make mistakes.

Ber months

On most parts of the globe, -ber months mean cold days coming in.

For most, people get more emo and slit their wrists. Some find their state of "singularity" more hyped up with winter coming in. Some will feel quite “sad” (seasonal affective disorder). But for filipinos, these may still be quite evident but we do deal quite differently.

The ber-months are months of festivities after all.


Thus, I declare and label these months as happy months.

September is my month of rekindling old friendships, of building new bridges, and of strengthening loves. September will spell spontaniety.

October will be my month of booze, of parties, of fun and laughter with those I love. October will be my book of memories. It is the octoberfests afterall.

November will be my month of visiting relatives, both the living and the dead. It will be my month of family responsibilities, of going to the province, of putting old hands on my forehead and of bingeing on good 'ol home cooked meals.

December will be special. It will be my month of love. It will smell of honey glazed ham, of queso de bola, and of puto bungbung and bibingka. It will ring of the crumpling of gift wraps, of jose mari cahn's songs, of bells and of children singing front of our gates.

It will be a month of sharing, of thanksgiving, of kisses and hugs.


Ber-months will be the months to end the year.

“Ber” will mean “better” spelled shorter. Be’r.

Be’r in all aspects.

Spread the be’r months fever.


Happy be’r months to ya’ll!

Juan Tamad

Para tayong kwento ni Juan Tamad.

Ako si Juan tamad.

Ikaw ung bayabas.

Hinihintay lang kitang mahulog sakin.

WAPAK!

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I'm flying off to Thailand then be back on sunday, then off to cebu, then Iloilo after. Wala munang magtetext till sunday parang awa nyo na, over credit limit nako. mapuputulan nanaman ako ng linya. hindi ko na kayang awayin ang mga call center agents ng globe. haha!

Gusto mo humabol sa valentines no? Eto sayo!

Ano? Inspired ka pa? LOL Joke lang.

Sabi nga ni Ewik, maghanap ng kahit sino na lang, pantawid man lang sa Valentine's Day.

(images from here)

Love nanaman!

"Time is too slow for those who wait, too swift for those who fear, too long for those who grieve, too short for those who rejoice, but for those who love, time is eternity."







- Henry Van Dyke
 
Oo, panahon na ng mga lecheng puso. mamatay na lahat ng inlab!!!!!!! :P

Kupido

Pahamak yang si kupido

di man asintado

tinamaan nga ako,

pero haging lamang sayo...

- Hanggang Tingin by Kamikazee

Janus

Each of us has a past and a present

a good side and a bad side

Love teaches us to embrace both (all).

good and bad.

 

past and present.

Mga turo ng Math titser ko sa lablyp

(image source)

Iwasang mag bilang ng magbilang. Oo na, math wiz ka na pero kung gusto mong gawin, gawin mo, wag gumawa ng tally ng nagawa mo against sa nagawa nya. Hindi yan calculus na kelangan ng proof. Kumbaga sa calculator, add lang ng add, di mo kelangang pindutin ang equal sign, makikita pa din naman sa kada add mo kung gano na kadami nagawa mo.

At pakiusap lang. Wag gumamit ng MR, o Memory Recall. Tawag dun, sumbatan.

Sa subtraction me tinatawag na “cannot be, carry one” na kung saan mas maliit ang numero ng kanang dulo ng subtrahend sa minuend kaya kelangang kumuha ng isa.

Madalas sa pag bigay ng oras sa minamahal me masasacrifice. Madaming beses na kelangang himindi sa barkada kasi nagtatampurorot ng date ang iyong mahal. Kukunin mo oras mo sa sarili para ibigay sa minamahal. Keri one.

Pero me pagkakataon din namang sa mahal mo ikaw kukuha ng oras kasi importanteng mabigyan mo ng oras ang trabaho, o isang kaibigang matagal mo nang di nakikita. Kung pano lang nya iintindihin, un ang problem solving.

Kung ayaw naman ni pangga ng “carry one,” pwede din namang "plus one."

Isama si pangga, un ang “plus one.” Madalas gugustuhin ng iyong katuwang na kabuntot sya sa mga lakad. Minsan nakakatuwa, minsan hindi. Lalo na kung por da boys ang lakad. Hindi naman sa me gagawin kayong himala, pero me mga bagay na talagang sa harap lang ng mga kaibigan nyo napapagusapan.

Tamang division lang ang kelangan. Pero di pwedeng equal division. Me magagalit. Minsan pag demanding, kelngan mas malaki ang sa kanya, meron din namang di demanding at naiintindihang me iba kading mundong ginagalawan.

Pero sa totoo lang, aminin mo man sa sarili mo, minsan gusto monalang i-divide ang sarili mo. Ingat lang sa pag divide. Sa huli di na whole number ang resulta, me infinite decimal points pa. Haggard.

Sabi sa Bible, “go forth and multiply.” Ingat lang sa pagmultiply. Baka me batang mabuo, o di kaya baka bacteria o virus ang magmultiply sa kapabayaan mo. Oo, inaadvocate ko ang condom. Kung hindi mo kayang magpigil. Kung protektado ka, parang multiplication of integers lang yan. Negative times positive ay negative padin. Basta me proteksyon ka.

Oo na daig ng malandi ang maganda. Pero sa mga nagmamadaling maghanap ng kabiyak, tandaan, mahirap mag add ng fractions, hahanap ka pa ng common denominator.

Madalas, sa mga pilit makahanap ng common denominator, ang laki nang numero napuntahan ng wallet mo, basted din pala ang kahahantungan mo.

Parang graph ng hyperbola, mag gear towards the axis pero ang hirap mag meet.

(image source)

Pero kung sakaling swertehin ka, wag magtaka kung mapansin mong mas mahal mo sya kesa mas mahal ka nya. Minsan may less than at may greater than, pero bumabaligtad din yan sa kalaunan, ikaw naman ang less than sya naman ang greater than. Bihira ang “is equal to”.

Pero parang graph ulit. May x-axis, may y-axis. Pero meron din naming Origin. Un ung gitna. Matuto lang kayong magpunta sa gitna, magiging ok naman kayo. Madalas ang nakakarinding payo ng nakakatanda, “compromise.”

Sa Math din siguro nakuha ang konsepto ng open relationships. Me variable kasi. Parang algebra, substitute y with a number, kung ayaw mo ng y pwede din naming isubstitute sa x, moving on naman tawag dun.

Kitams, ang daming application ng Math sa love life.

Parehas silang sinusumpa.

Parehas silang pinag pupuyatan.

At minsan, kahit anong pagsusumpa at puyat mo, bagsak padin. Ilan ba ang kilala kong nag ulit ng Math 11? Madami dami na.

Kaya naiintindihan ko kung bakit allergic sa pag ibig ang ibang tao (gaya ni ewik), parang kung pano ko kamuhi-an ang Math. Komplikado kasi masyado.

Pero di gaya ng Math, mahirap makuha ang saktong formula sa pag ibig. Iba’t ibang tao, iba’t ibang equation ang pwedeng i-apply. Hindi lahat sakto sa banga.

Pero at least kung me problem ka sa Math o sa love life, me solusyon.

At sa huli, me result ka ding makukuha.

Kahit zero pa man yan.

How

We’ve asked “how” so many times
It’s almost second to the why’s
As often as each clink of chimes
As abrupt as all life’s surprise

But this time I ask myself,

How?

How to make you hear my heartbeat
As each lubdub whispers your name
How to make the bitter air sweet
As I hope that things will remain the same

How?

How to make up for all my faults
Of not giving you much time and soul
How to put this raging torrent to a halt
And find you in my arms and give you my all

But I’m an asshole, I know
As I still can’t find the answer
But I’m learning, though slow
To realise things and end this banter

I love you.
From that let’s work things out.
I love you.
With that is another chance.

I love you.
Like jumping on a pile of cotton candy
Like swimming in a pool of brandy
Like how my heart misses your whispering to my ear
Like how my arms feel empty without you near

Take me back to where half of me is

to your smile, to your laugh, to each and every kiss.

Declaration of Romantic Intent

(click picture to enlarge)

Ikaw? Sino gusto mo isulat dito?

Dating down

I’ve heard the term before and encountered it again while watching United States of Tara when Tara’s sister just got a boob job and started dating again.

Dating down is when you date someone “below” standard of the last date. Like if you dated a hot chick or a hunky dude, you shouldn’t settle for less than that on your next prospect.

I remember one “hobby” I had with my best bud. While passing time, we’d rate people passing by, 1-10, 10 being highest. Below 5 would be charity case already. Don’t get me wrong, we’re not exactly superficial or anything, we just know how to appreciate beauty. Though I had to hand it down to my best bud, he wouldn’t date anyone below 7, “I’ve got standards,” he says.

Though at times, I find myself curiously looking at “weirdly” paired couples.

I’ve got college blockmates and cousins who dated “cream of the crop” faces (a term my best bud coined), some of whom have even became models. But reunions would obviously tell me that they ended up, even married uhhmmm… well, to so so faces.

I’d usually be puzzled while looking at 4’s walking with 8’s and we’d rationalize ‘em thinking that they just know how to court so well, or maybe are freakingly filthy rich. After all, it wouldn’t hurt to snag a trophy date. And if it’s true love, what argument do you have with that? Nada! You don’t mess with effin true love. It’s like stealing some metro’s claydoh from his drawer. Disastrous.

And of course, dating down isn’t all about faces. You’d consider wallet capabilities, tear duct storm frequencies, brain damaging conversations, orgasmic silences, and well, sexual geyser prowess.

I remember though, one psych doctor friend from bataan who married a driver. Their love story was just filled with much family drama. Everyone opposed to the union. She held an MD degree with specializations, he held a trishaw with flags. Still, they weathered difficulties and insecurities that came their way. They say love isn’t enough to live, but for them it was.

My guess is, parents are the ultimate author of dating down rules. They wouldn’t want anyone less for their babies, would they? And most of us imbibed that rule and made it a goal whenever we switch to whore mode – that, and the pressure to introduce someone who could make your friends jaw drop envious, not to mention your ex.

As for me, I’d admit I’m fairly superficial. At least you’d want someone presentable. But my top on standards would be intellect. I’m not exactly Jimmy Neutron, just some smart ass Dennis the menace. But still, I wouldn’t want to date down on intelligence. I’d want to grow much on that aspect, and you wouldn’t get that from a hollow barbie doll. Intelligence for me is sexy. Mind fucking is simply orgasmic. Just don’t let ‘em talk about genetic mutations and pathogenesis of STDs during the act, and you’ll be ok. I guess that's why I have so many blogosphere crushes, I get so turned on with good writing. But that's another story.

I guess at start, the idea of dating is that you wouldn’t want to settle for someone less than yourself. And from there you build up a standard for the next. And for those who haven’t gotten over an ex, comparison is the usual culprit.

But at the end of the day, your heart still would end up with whomever it wants, even if it means breaking some standards.

And as for Tara’s sister, I have just finished season one, but I bet she’d end up with the fat ugly one on the next season.

Because in reality…

Love is not blind, it sees, but it doesn’t mind.

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picture source here: http://www.clipartguide.com/_named_clipart_images/0511-0908-1916-5428_Computer_Dating_clipart_image.jpg

Hurt, pain, sadness...

... they say they last only for a few minutes to an hour...

... anything beyond that is self inflicted.

Why do we love?

Because we were made out of love...

Sugar Rush

I’ve encountered so many different people in my life. Most of them are like aspartame. Almost 200 times sweeter than sugar, artificial, and breaks down at higher temperature, leaving a bitter after taste. A lot of people are like aspartame.

But you…

You are a different kind.

You’re like sucralose. 600 times sweeter than sugar, no calories, stable at higher temperature, good for cooking yummy cakes.

Of course both types would have their supposed bad effect.

But no one’s perfect. All you have to do is find that one perfectly imperfect for you. And when you do, you finally experience your sugar rush.

And I experienced it with you.

My sweet sugar rush.

Just because

“Why do you love me?”

This question must’ve been asked to you by a lover once or twice during your relationship.

More often than not, you find yourself rummaging through your deep consciousness just to find the right words to say.

You’d probably go for, “I love you because you are kind,” or “I love you because we make good conversations, “ or “I love you because of your smile,” or “I love your Greek god like body.”

Tough question when caught off guard, ayt? You find out that no words are enough to describe all the reasons for loving.

We’d usually sum up with one sentence.

“I love you just because. “

For the reason for loving really is almost unfathomable, digging deeper than what our eyes can see. After all, they wouldn’t be able to describe love as “blind” for nothing.

That when we put definitive reasons, like a smile, a laugh, a talent, one’s beauty, we ask, what happens when all of these are gone?

If love rests with such reasons, then it must’ve been a superficial one. That when all these reason fade out, so shall our love.

But for those who cannot find the right reason, when reasons cannot fully quantify nor qualify, then consider yourself blessed amidst the roller coaster ride that love brings. For your love goes beyond what your eyes can see.

Such when teeth shall fall, smile starts to fade, when wrinkles start to show, and muscles start to sag, when memory starts to waver and conversations start to be less NatGeo, and when bodies start to become like Buddha…

You’d still be able to find the same love even with the silence of all the reasons that you thought ignited the love you had.

For all these shall fade out…

But your love shall stay…

So if you’ll ask me why I love you…

I’ll prolly just look into your eyes, coyly smile and say,

“Just because…”

When that someone comes...

Someday, someone will walk into your life

and make you realize why it never

worked out with anyone else.

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Only to realize that that someone

came in too late

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*disclaimer: post dedicated to friend, wag gumawa ng issue, lalo ka na pads.

Size doesn’t matter

You think a grain of rice is too small? Tell that to an ant.
You think your pillow is too big? Say that to an elephant.

There is no definite big or small. They become only as such, relative to your OWN perception. Just like a story told in the Bible, where an old woman dropped coins as an offering, where others dropped pieces of gold. For most the ones given by the old woman was all too cheap, but it could have been all the treasure she had.

Thus, if a friend comes to you crying over a lost pen, do not brush it all off as something petty. For all you know, the pen could’ve meant the world to him.

Nothing is too small or too big to matter in this world.

Nothing is too important or too trivial as to be ignored.

Look closely.

Big things may come in small packages.

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This is my POInt of view on sizes. New template to come soon… Toilet thoughts up for another upgrade! Weeeeee!